top of page
  • Writer's pictureSam


The contrast between where I was a couple of years ago and where I am now on this topic is pretty stark. Being alone.

In the past, I wasn't necessarily scared to be alone, but being in relationships, I forgot what it was like to enjoy time with myself. I felt so anxiously attached to my partners that I wanted to be with them as much as possible.

Although I've worked on this over the years, my anxious attachment didn't just disappear. In fact, it often felt aggravated and reinforced with past partners, making me believe I needed to be anxious. Fortunately, with therapy, long talks with loved ones, and a lot of alone time, I've made significant progress toward a more secure attachment style.

Today, nothing is more precious to me than my alone time. It's sacred and essential for my well-being.

I also have a newfound respect for when someone makes time for me. I understand that spending time together means sacrificing countless other activities they could be doing. My business degree (thanks, Mom and Dad) reminds me that opportunity cost is very real. Time is precious, and we all deserve to spend it how we want.

Now, maybe no one else really thinks that hard about saying yes to plans, or no, for that matter. Which, typically, I don’t either, but I’m currently on a walk and it really has me thinking.

In past relationships, I neglected self-care, prioritizing my partners' needs above my own. My worth felt tied to productivity and my partners' perceived value of me.

The idea of taking time to go to the beach alone.


If I could be with my partner or spend time being productive, why say yes to just me?

It almost felt pointless to serve just myself when I could serve someone else or others! Well good old time taught me that if I don’t say yes to alone time, no one is truly happy.

If your new around here, you might not know how much I love the beach. The freedom of going to the beach and laying out, reading, listening to music, or drawing, just doing whatever I want and leaving whenever I want.

Having time to make some decisions for me, to really think about what I want.

Admittedly, that sometimes feels paralyzing when you don't know what you want. I tend to have decision paralysis. So regardless it's a good way to force myself to face decisions, in even the smallest ways.Still, it's liberating to know I can do things alone. It's reassuring to realize I don't need anyone, though it's nice to want someone.

Whether I am choosing to work in a cafe, go on a walk, watch a movie in the bath, or see a movie flying solo, I love that I love being alone. If you don't enjoy time with yourself, how can you sustain happiness in the long term. Being alone with our thoughts can be scary sometimes but also important in confidently moving through life.

So heading into the future and finding my forever person, I feel like I am in such a healthy place when it comes to attachment and valuing alone time, truly.

I feel more confident that I can navigate the balance of time with friends, with family, with a partner, and alone.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this and I hope it resonated in some way! We're all works in progress and growing can be such a beautiful thing.

To anyone struggling with similar feelings, I encourage you to embrace your alone time. It's a journey worth taking. Investing in yourself is never a wasted effort. Remember, self-care isn't selfish—it's necessary. Take time to explore your own interests, understand your needs, and develop a deeper relationship with yourself. The better you know and love yourself, the more fulfilling your relationships with others will be.


bottom of page